Taking a deep breathe of the morning air, I hasten my steps in hopes of warming my blood in the face of this cold winter morning. Having always been a warm weather child, I shuddered benigth my many layers of clothes and will myself to think of something beyond the soul-stealing breezes that has left me feeling naked. Frantic thoughts of no great significance scatter about my brain in attempt to find a topic that I could mentally hold on to.
Almost desperately, the mental images from a passionate love scene of one of my tame romance novels invad my thoughts with a force that clears my mind of all else. Synonymously, the realization that the passionate kisses stolen behind a shelf in a empty study were far more innocent that the usual "love" scenes ones expected to encounter these days. I roll my eyes even as my body fills with heat. So what if I took elicit pleasure from the thought of tongue-to-tongue play instead of the hollow pages of meaningless sex.
My thoughts shift to the shattering control that My Love showed--at my insistence--whenever our bodies touched. Even as I would attempt to pull him closer, I could feel him forcing space between us as his breath came in quick spurts, his pulse like a living thing, his eyes on fire. What could be more intense than those moments when his mask came down and I was confronted with the hot desire he so often kept so tightly contained. How could such a look stop me in mid-reach and freeze my nerve and scare me deep down to that buried place that knew that only months now separated us from the night when he would possess me as no soul ever has.
I tug my coat tighter against me despite the nervous sweat that mists my back under my layers and layer. A nervous laugh escapes my lips as a mixture joy, fear, and excitement rush my senses. As of November 2011, I became officially engaged to be married this year of 2012. Like a bucket of cold water, my blood chills with silly worry. Suddenly, my "first time" which had always been a vague and distant thing has become a very real and sure thing...
....Welcome to 2012 and my NEW list of problems....
